By Rahul Lal
Recently on Loveline with Amber Rose (a Play.it podcast) co-hosts Amber Rose and Dr. Chris Donaghue have been discussing how damaging it could be to label a child with a gender and have them be brought up as a male or female because of a distinction given to them at birth. On the latest episode, the two discussed this in depth and how it now goes beyond just parenting but into the rest of your life too.
“For men to act like men, men feel like they have to be oppressive and aggressive,” Dr. Chris began. “Gender isn’t even a real thing. Gender is a social construction. Gender doesn’t even exist, right? We come up with these arbitrary roles and demands we put on people based on their genital anatomy and it’s bulls— and it oppresses people. So, the work is actually about transcending all of this and not using gender at all.”
The concept he is talking about is the same concept that leads to things like having baby showers where a certain color may be chosen for a boy and a different one for a girl. It’s the same one that makes masculine girls and feminine boys feel insecure or like they can’t act themselves. This concept of “toxic masculinity” can carry over and lead to a sense of exaggerated testosterone as well which makes women feel as if men are somehow wired to cheat on their partners.
“We don’t have anything in our DNA [like that],” said Dr. Chris debunking this popular myth that a more masculine man either has it in his DNA or in his mental to cheat. “DNA doesn’t work like that. There’s nothing that exists in us that controls us like that… if you’re hanging out with a bunch of guys who think it’s cool to cheat, then sure, he will but if you hang around with people like me and my friends, we don’t think that’s cool – we don’t think it’s cool to hurt people. You’re probably not going to be cheating on people if you’re in my social circle.”
Amber believes that she was raised to be feminine because she did a lot of things that were stereotypically considered a job for a woman in the household as a child. As she raises her own son, she is going to look to ensure that he sees both sides and isn’t afraid to be himself whether that’s more masculine or more feminine.
“My father was in the military and I was treated very differently than my brothers,” said Amber. “I also think it comes from the parents. Obviously, I’m raising Sebastian to be a feminist but I feel like a lot of moms and dads out there are just like ‘You don’t need to be with one woman.’ They kind of instill that in their boys.”
This instantly led Amber to dive into the topic of cheating as well but said that she has very little patience for cheaters. She believed that all that is needed to be done is to have the courage to say the relationship isn’t working and to move on. People will get hurt regardless and it’s better to do it with honesty. A fan posed the question to Amber about dealing with cat calls as a woman and how she reacts, and she noted that her reaction has changed as she’s gotten older.
“When I was younger, I would be like ‘go f— yourself’ or give them the middle finger and I kind of had an attitude. I think nowadays I feel like you should just keep walking and walk fast. If you don’t want to turn around and be like ‘Oh, hey. What’s your name?’ then just ignore them. I don’t think you should start trouble or say anything back to them. Even if they say something negative, guys do that a lot and it’s extremely unfortunate but I think you should just ignore them and keep it moving.”
To hear to the full episode of Loveline with Amber Rose, you can listen in on CBS Radio’s Play.it podcast network.